I drove 600 miles today. Josh rode shotgun. He didn't help me drive on account of that DUI. Just kidding. Josh has never gotten a DUI or a driver's license. We're in Kentucky now. There are rolling hills across the street. I'm lying. There are duplexes. My grandmother used to live in one of those duplexes. Now she lives in my childhood home. I don't know who lives in her old duplex. Probably someone. I hope they use the fireplace more than my grandmother did.
Today is my birthday. I'm 26. Facebook people sent me wishes. I'm trying to reply to each wish. This girl told me to plant a tree (today is also Earth Day). I made up a lie about planting a tree. The tree in the lie grew a vagina-shaped hollow. I bet you've seen a tree like that. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Mushrooms look like penises. Mother Nature is a pervert. Spring has sprung, which is why I saw a cat chasing another cat in a Taco Bell parking lot today.
I'm writing a play about a couple who only want the best for their child.
There's a place in my hometown that sells only olive oil and balsamic vinegar. I want to smell this place. There's a gallery at the museum that smells like olive oil. There's another gallery that smells like Fig Newtons. I want to chronicle the smells of each gallery and help design a tour brochure explaining the science behind the smells.
My body is still moving at 80 mph. I'm in bed, but I can't stop moving. I will dream that I stop, but in the morning, I will wake up in the ocean.