I was interviewed today. People ask me questions all the time, but I never actually think about the answers. Today, I thought about the answers. I'll let you know when and where, of course.
I live in a duplex. The top floor is one unit, the bottom floor is another unit. Make the jokes you want to make, but Josh and I are the bottoms in this scenario. The problem is, our landlords want to move into one of the units. As of Tuesday, they didn't know which unit. Long story short, our neighbors have volunteered to move out. I love our neighbors. I will miss them. Their unit looks like something from a magazine. Our unit looks like something from a movie about downtrodden youth. Our neighbors have a cat the size of a small tiger. I will miss that cat, too.
One of my new friends went to lunch with me yesterday. It was the first time he'd eaten Indian food. He pretended to like it. Maybe he really liked it. I tend to view my new friends with a paranoid dose of skepticism. Honestly, I can't believe anything they say. At the same time, I want to believe everything they say. I think this is only natural.
Sometimes, I actively court friends. This is one of those times. My new friend plays the fiddle. When he grows his facial hair out, it's red. I'm trying to get him to play the fiddle on my front porch. You will have to believe me when I say, I have the perfect front porch for fiddle playing.
I submitted a story and had it rejected all in one day. It was like when someone answers a question before you finish asking it. The answer was no.
You deserve an update about that yellow snow. The snow has melted, but the yellow remains. It has dimension. It looks like scrambled eggs. I'm kind of afraid to go near it.
I used to have a jar of moonshine. I don't know where it came from. Maybe it appeared on my front porch in a tiny basket. Maybe the basket was tied around a dog's neck. Maybe the dog left once I untied the basket. Maybe.
One of my friends tried to sip from the jar of moonshine. She was able to swallow her vomit before it became a problem. I was only able to drink the moonshine in shots. Some moonshine is flavored for the benefit of the drinker. My moonshine was not. I've never been so drunk. If you want me to do something I wouldn't normally do, give me moonshine. I will be yours.
Is this the year I'll finally look good in shorts?